MEMORIES OF LOVED ONES PASSED

Even though eight years have passed since Chip's murder, moments of desperate grief still rush through me. I can go days now, sometimes weeks, and never think of that horrible, dark, and dreary morning. That morning where not only the life I had come to love was so rapidly ripped away, but that morning where Chip's was as well. His sacrifice however, runs much deeper than mine-- he died.

One would think after all of this time, those hours of horror would feel less alive and not so present-day. That's not how it works though. That thing called "Time", it doesn't erase the missing of those we have loved and lost. Time simply places those memories gently behind the lives we lead, lurking and waiting for that perfect moment to leap in to knock the wind right out of you. 

The one thing that these last eight years has taught me is to lean into the grief when it sneaks up from behind. I now understand it's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to crawl into bed and rest. It's okay to take out the time needed to release the sorrow. 

Sweet and beautiful memories are wonderful to think about. They actually do help us heal. When those not-so-favorable ones creep in though-- take your time to work through them. Trust yourself and allow your heart to feel what it needs to experience. That too, helps us heal.  ~Much love, Lyn...  

GRIEF SUCKS

TIME... one of the many words I disliked upon Chip's death eight years ago. It's easy to understand why...

— Time is defined as the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future, regarded as a whole. —

It has absolutely nothing to do with grief, yet, it has EVERYTHING to do with it. I was recently reminded how horribly sad grief is. My sweetheart has been gone for awhile now, yet sometimes it seems like only yesterday when I sat beside his body waiting for help. It's true, time does seem to soften the blow in that indescribable everyday pain.

Today, there are thousands of individuals experiencing their first time being thrown into the arena of a loved one's passing. Unexpectedly, I received an email from a young woman whose fiance' was murdered ... by a co-worker ... and he too was reaching out from the other side. My heart instantly went out to her not just because of our similar circumstances, but because of the pain I am certain she is feeling.

I used to say, "The word Grief doesn't come close to describing the devastation to my very being. There are no words to portray that kind of pain."

... GRIEF SUCKS!

SPECIAL DATES

When those monumental dates get closer and closer, my mind tends to focus on them more and more. I find myself daydreaming about what would have been, what could have been, and what might have been. 

I find myself losing time inside the bliss of reliving our beautiful memories, wishing so badly we could have shared so much more. 

Grateful am I, to have been loved by an amazing man. Grateful am I, to continue to be loved by his spirit. There are no words to describe this magical love, this magical way of being. I live in awe...  ~Lyn Ragan

TRAVEL THROUGH GRIEF AT YOUR OWN SPEED

Travel At Your Own Speed

It amazes me sometimes when I look back at the past few years. I wonder how I've made it this far, how I've been able to stand on my own two feet.  I've wondered about the big move I made two years ago and left the home where Chip & I shared our most precious moments,  I wonder why I've done some of the things I've done since his death.

And then I remind myself about the oath I pledged only months after he left. When I vowed to follow the "signs" no matter where they took me. When I vowed to never question their (Spirit) direction, or when I promised to listen as closely as possible. Did I make a promise I couldn't keep?

No, I don't think so. I'm still listening, I'm still following, I still desire to travel the path Spirit directs me in. Do I question it? Oh yeah, that's the one fault (or not) I've grown back into these past years. But I've grown so much since the beginning, too. Call it spirit communication, dream interpretation, afterlife interference, thought manipulation— it all derives from Love and it all comes from within.

It is and always will be, my very own and very special... Inner Voice.

SENTENCE HEARING COMPLETED

Chip Oney loved this picture of himself. He is such a proud Scottish gent. I loved how he held them shoulders back, smiled large, and danced crazily flicking his man-skirt all around. All I did was laugh!

Today, the man who snatched his life from him has finally been given his sentence. After being found Guilty of First Degree Murder in January, at approx 3:40 this afternoon, the gavel had the final word. Life in Prison without Parole. Never again in this lifetime, will he kill another human being because of his jealousy, his arrogance, or his selfish attitude. With Vito Bell removed from society, the streets are now a little safer.

This Chapter ... has been completed and that four year old book filled with grief, horror, disbelief, and tons of agonizing pain, has been ... released!