Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I can't believe it's been almost eight months since I've touched this blog. The last entry was a joyous occasion, to some, but to others I have a feeling it didn't really matter one way or the other. The murderer who stole the life of the man I love was sentenced to life without parole. But what does that mean? Is it safe to assume he'll never get out? Is it safe to assume he'll live behind those bars for the remainder of his days?

Do I really care? Does it matter to me what his future holds?

No, interestingly enough, it doesn't. I don't care anymore. I give him no thought whatsoever, yet here I sit writing about him. I literally had to stop myself and ask, "why?" Am I doing this because I believe someday another will read these words and feel the same as I? Is it because I have this unyielding desire to share my most inner thoughts in the hopes that someday others like me will understand this belief as I do? Or is it because I've finally, after all of these years, I've finally forgiven this man for what he did?

If I believe that everything happens for a reason (and I do) then I also have to believe my darling Chip was meant to depart when he did. And if I believe that, then I also have to believe he was meant to depart the "way" that he did. And if I believe that, then I have to believe the man who murdered him was meant to "also" give his life for that event...too.

"What an Advanced Soul he is to have agreed to do what he did. And then to carry it out!"

Years ago, a very special lady floored me when I heard her say these very words. I knew she was speaking of the killer, but I couldn't wrap my head around the words she used. Advanced Soul? How could anyone possibly think he was an advanced soul? And why would she say something like that to me? Especially at a time when my heart was aching so badly for Chip.

I never forgot it though. To this very day, I never forgot what she said. I do believe in past lives, reincarnation, agreements, contracts, synchronicity; I do believe there are no coincidences. As much as I "knew" or "felt" this man to be an evil man...I never once thought of him as an Advanced Soul. I never thought of him as a good man, a special man, a loving man...or anything that resembled what I considered at the time as Love. All I knew is that I wanted to stay away from him...no matter what that took.

I've looked back many times, re-living every second of that morning, re-living time when the killer stood in my presence...he lived a very selfish life-style. But he would have needed that in order for him to get to that point of loathing Chip, to get to that point of taking another human's life, to get to that point where he fulfilled the agreement between he and Chip...to murder Chip's physical body.

If agreements, contracts, whatever word I as a human need to use to describe a relationship of goodness or of Love...I also need to acknowledge the agreements between those who have contracted to depart this life in a way that seems unsuitable to many...but for those on the Other Side...never seem to care about.

Chip and this Advanced Soul crossed their t's and dotted their i's and made what happen...happen. I literally can do nothing else but send the man who sits in prison, love and light. Whatever happens next in his life is meant to happen, as is mine. My journey now...is to focus on the road ahead...not on that past.

Sometimes though...that's much easier said...than done...